Free Write 1, Week 3

"Eliot Contra Eliot"

I.

Last night, three people jumped from a bridge:
two men you promised to fuck
and a woman who knew better.

II.

When you left me the second time,
I searched every volcano for Pele's bones.

I keep them in the safe you bought me for Valentine's Day.

III.

After we fucked the first time,
I skewered a dozen magnets and ate them with salt.

IV.

When you held my hand during prayer,
I secretly wished God would smite you in my name.

Oh, how Luis Bunuel cried into my infected ear,
Thank God I'm an atheist!

V.

You are the duct tape around my mouth,
and I am the patron saint of Nothing.

Response 1-2, Week 3

On David's free write:

I really enjoyed this piece. I have one critique, though. I read the opening line several times out loud, and something about it seems choppy. I can't quite pinpoint the cause, though it may be the prepositional phrase "when I sit in a chair." Like I said, I'm not entirely sure if it's just me that thinks this, but it's something to consider. I could be completely off and the only one who thinks so.

Also, I really love the final line--"I imagine it doesn't matter in the end." How much more postmodern can you get? You actually ended a poem with "in the end." I also like the way the phrase plays off "I imagine." The end of the poem is literally "the end," yet you "imagine it doesn't matter." I know I'm pulling these out of context, but I find it fascinating to think about the line separate from the rest of the poem.

On Jami's free write:

I'm a sucker for modernist poetry, and this is pretty damn close to it.  I love that you didn't necessarily aim for logic or narration.  It's simply an experiment with the sounds produced from language.  It reminds me of Noam Chomsky's theory of nonsense; that is, each word may make sense but the combination of them all into a whole may not.  This is quite decidedly nonsensical and surreal and bears a strong resemblence to the magical realism of Neruda, Marquez, and Borges.

For my money, this is the best line:  "Steady electricity sporadically pierces the scarred flesh by the eel who thirsts."  The combination of sounds and use of alliteration and consonance are quite profound.  Steady...sporadically...scarred.  electricity...pierces...thirsts.  Then you guide the flow further with "transcribes shock," "jolting and shaking the hinge," and "interrupts."

Who knew nonsense could sound so damn beautiful?

Improv/Imitation 1, Week 3

"Grandmother Gertrude"
If Grandmother saw the birds did the birds see Grandmother.  Did the birds see Grandmother when Grandmother saw the birds.  Did the birds see Grandmother see Grandmother see Grandmother the birds did they see Grandmother saw saw saw the birds.

They the birds Grandmother see the birds see see Grandmother.  The birds Grandmother saw the birds see Grandmother see Grandmother see Grandmother the birds the birds birds saw the birds the birds birds birds saw Grandmother see.

Under
a cliche under under
a cliche
under a cliche
a cliche under.

The birds Grandmother saw under.  The birds birds saw Grandmother see cliche.  Cliche cliche the birds Grandmother see the birds see the birds saw saw the birds Grandmother saw under cliche they saw the birds Grandmother saw the birds.

Grandmother
under cliche
cliche Grandmother
under Grandmother
Grandmother cliche
Grandmother
under under under
cliche under.

The birds Grandmother saw the birds see Grandmother.

Under construction
under
cliche under
cliche construction
under
Grandmother
the birds Grandmother see
saw under construction
cliche
under
Grandmother birds.

Gertrude Grandmother saw the birds saw Wallace Stevens see Pablo Picasso under cliche construction Wallace Stevens under Grandmother see saw Grandmother the birds see the birds saw Grandmother under cliche under construction under under the birds Wallace Stevens saw Grandmother see Gertrude Stein saw the birds Wallace Stevens see under Pablo Picasso construction cliche cliche cliche Grandmother Gertrude.

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Gertrude Stein, "If I Told Him: A Completed Portrait of Picasso":
http://www.sas.upenn.edu/~jenglish/Courses/Spring02/104/steinpicasso.html

Jack Kerouac, "1st Chorus Mexican City Blues":
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/1st-chorus-mexico-city-blues/

Wallace Stevens, "Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird":
http://writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/stevens-13ways.html

Calisthenic 1, Week 3

Using a form as inspiration
(http://www.westga.edu/assetsDept/financialAid/1011AppealForm.pdf):

a name, a name, a name
and a barcode identity

scan, scanned, scanned
and nailed to a number

in, of, and out,
out and in bounds

plastic mounted
and numbered

don't ever forget the number
until you forget the number

unless, unless, unless
well, that's not necessary

what, what, what
a year in six months
why, why, why
a year in five months
how, how, how
for a year in a month
and there's nothing you can do
unless you do something

red, red elephants
left to one thing, the first thing

but never, never, ever
to all things

Junkyard Quotes 1-4, Week 3

1.  "I'm barely prolific and incredibly lazy." (Tom Petty)
2.  "Israel is the Master's bratty kid."  (Dr. Tietjen)
3.  "...like Whitman, tarred and feathered."  (Dr. Snaith)
4.  "...a sip from a liar's martini."  (friend of mine)