Calisthenic 1, Week 3
Using a form as inspiration
(http://www.westga.edu/assetsDept/financialAid/1011AppealForm.pdf):
a name, a name, a name
and a barcode identity
scan, scanned, scanned
and nailed to a number
in, of, and out,
out and in bounds
plastic mounted
and numbered
don't ever forget the number
until you forget the number
unless, unless, unless
well, that's not necessary
what, what, what
a year in six months
why, why, why
a year in five months
how, how, how
for a year in a month
and there's nothing you can do
unless you do something
red, red elephants
left to one thing, the first thing
but never, never, ever
to all things
(http://www.westga.edu/assetsDept/financialAid/1011AppealForm.pdf):
a name, a name, a name
and a barcode identity
scan, scanned, scanned
and nailed to a number
in, of, and out,
out and in bounds
plastic mounted
and numbered
don't ever forget the number
until you forget the number
unless, unless, unless
well, that's not necessary
what, what, what
a year in six months
why, why, why
a year in five months
how, how, how
for a year in a month
and there's nothing you can do
unless you do something
red, red elephants
left to one thing, the first thing
but never, never, ever
to all things
posted by Chris Lyons at
6:58 PM
3 Comments:
Chris,
This was a very interesting practice on repetition and I really enjoyed it. I don't think I could ever come up with something so repetitious with out it getting annoying. I find it interesting that all the stanza's were two lines except for the third to last and I think that adds a cool effect because in that stanza it seems to be about who, what, when, and where type deal even if it is what, why, and how. I'm not sure I said that to make sense but regardless I feel it is effective. Perhaps I will try a exercise similar... one day. lol Also i feel like the repetition in this piece is appropriate to feel like the process behind filling out financial aid... the same information over and over. Lol Great job.
there was a lot of reiteration which brings across the concept of filling out a form being draining and redundant. The words of questioning are interesting, how it asks the questions leading up to a loss of self when filling out the form and a sort of confusion or annoyance. As much as the poem is annoying with the repetition such is filling out the form you have have chosen to work with.
Well, considering that I've always written within the avant-garde tradition and that I much prefer anti-poetry to popular forms, the majority of everything I've ever written experiments with sound and attempts to play with a literal form of the drone effect. Needless to say, I think calling someone else's work or something about the work "annoying" crosses the line away from constructive criticism.
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