Response 1-2, Week 3
On David's free write:
I really enjoyed this piece. I have one critique, though. I read the opening line several times out loud, and something about it seems choppy. I can't quite pinpoint the cause, though it may be the prepositional phrase "when I sit in a chair." Like I said, I'm not entirely sure if it's just me that thinks this, but it's something to consider. I could be completely off and the only one who thinks so.
Also, I really love the final line--"I imagine it doesn't matter in the end." How much more postmodern can you get? You actually ended a poem with "in the end." I also like the way the phrase plays off "I imagine." The end of the poem is literally "the end," yet you "imagine it doesn't matter." I know I'm pulling these out of context, but I find it fascinating to think about the line separate from the rest of the poem.
On Jami's free write:
I'm a sucker for modernist poetry, and this is pretty damn close to it. I love that you didn't necessarily aim for logic or narration. It's simply an experiment with the sounds produced from language. It reminds me of Noam Chomsky's theory of nonsense; that is, each word may make sense but the combination of them all into a whole may not. This is quite decidedly nonsensical and surreal and bears a strong resemblence to the magical realism of Neruda, Marquez, and Borges.
For my money, this is the best line: "Steady electricity sporadically pierces the scarred flesh by the eel who thirsts." The combination of sounds and use of alliteration and consonance are quite profound. Steady...sporadically...scarred. electricity...pierces...thirsts. Then you guide the flow further with "transcribes shock," "jolting and shaking the hinge," and "interrupts."
Who knew nonsense could sound so damn beautiful?
I really enjoyed this piece. I have one critique, though. I read the opening line several times out loud, and something about it seems choppy. I can't quite pinpoint the cause, though it may be the prepositional phrase "when I sit in a chair." Like I said, I'm not entirely sure if it's just me that thinks this, but it's something to consider. I could be completely off and the only one who thinks so.
Also, I really love the final line--"I imagine it doesn't matter in the end." How much more postmodern can you get? You actually ended a poem with "in the end." I also like the way the phrase plays off "I imagine." The end of the poem is literally "the end," yet you "imagine it doesn't matter." I know I'm pulling these out of context, but I find it fascinating to think about the line separate from the rest of the poem.
On Jami's free write:
I'm a sucker for modernist poetry, and this is pretty damn close to it. I love that you didn't necessarily aim for logic or narration. It's simply an experiment with the sounds produced from language. It reminds me of Noam Chomsky's theory of nonsense; that is, each word may make sense but the combination of them all into a whole may not. This is quite decidedly nonsensical and surreal and bears a strong resemblence to the magical realism of Neruda, Marquez, and Borges.
For my money, this is the best line: "Steady electricity sporadically pierces the scarred flesh by the eel who thirsts." The combination of sounds and use of alliteration and consonance are quite profound. Steady...sporadically...scarred. electricity...pierces...thirsts. Then you guide the flow further with "transcribes shock," "jolting and shaking the hinge," and "interrupts."
Who knew nonsense could sound so damn beautiful?
posted by Chris Lyons at
7:45 PM
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