Free Entry 1, Week 2
To avoid confusion, note: This was originally posted (ACCIDENTALLY) last Friday to the bottom of last week's free entry post. Realizing this mistake, I am posting it again.
"God is Love"
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
you stole the trinket around my neck
but left me with a rash of prophetic cruelty
and the hind-sight of Schrodinger's cat
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
i gave you the most valuable item i own
but you greedily consumed it
before i could even ask, are you sure?
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
you were a self-conscious jackhammer
and i should have finished the job myself
at least i know where to touch
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
nearly eight inches passed between you
before you even thought of the first guy you fucked
i'm sorry dear but practice does not make perfect
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
please do not wake my home phone
i'm busy at the moment
finishing the job that you could barely start
"God is Love"
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
you stole the trinket around my neck
but left me with a rash of prophetic cruelty
and the hind-sight of Schrodinger's cat
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
i gave you the most valuable item i own
but you greedily consumed it
before i could even ask, are you sure?
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
you were a self-conscious jackhammer
and i should have finished the job myself
at least i know where to touch
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
nearly eight inches passed between you
before you even thought of the first guy you fucked
i'm sorry dear but practice does not make perfect
if god is love, then what the hell are you?
please do not wake my home phone
i'm busy at the moment
finishing the job that you could barely start
posted by Chris Lyons at
5:37 AM
1 Comments:
What I enjoyed most about this work is the humorous and sarcastic side of it. It made me laugh, “You were a jackhammer and I should have finished the job myself at least I know where to touch.” After reading through your work I think one of your favorite words is fuck, ( mine too) but I don’t see how that takes anything away from this piece, more so it adds action and violent emotion. The form you used, “If god is love, then what the hell are you?” fits well how you answer who “you” are after each question, but what does God really have to do with it? The last stanza is redundant to the second, but it just seems like it is re-emphasizing the idea.(the beginning and the end) “I’m sorry dear” I can’t say I like the line. I know it’s sarcastic, but “I’m sorry” means inferiority and this poem seems to do everything but that about the speaker. I would change that to “I apologize”. I liked the irony in the last line mixing the end with the start. All in all this is just blunt and in your face and I like that a lot. It doesn’t sugar coat anything. I would like to see this expanded. I would like to see more between the “if God is loves” more details so it doesn’t seem like I’m constantly rereading that line. I wouldn’t take them out, I would just add more to the ideas expressed below each one. All in all I really enjoyed this
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